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That’s it!

When you try very hard to say something and yet the other person interprets it differently… That’s it.

When you make all efforts to clear the waters from the murk and yet someone still steps on it…That’s it.

When you keep on lighting a candle and the wind just blows it… That’s it.

When one leaves and stay, leaves and stay, leaves and stay…That’s it.

If the car always gives you a headache, giving you problems of bogging down when needed…That’s it.

If the phone line is busy, can’t be reached, no reply…That’s it.

If the shoes you terribly like doesn’t fit you, suits you, and you couldn’t match it with any of your clothes…That’s it.

If one keeps on visiting a friend and the friend ain’t there… That’s it.

If you cannot understand people around you, authorities and why they are doing such…that’s it.

If you tried to send a message but the phone keeps stating ‘message failed’…that’s it.

If you have waited for hours, days, months for the package to arrive but it was sent to another…that’s it.

If the weather is cold and you are in sleeveless,and when the weather is hot you are in coat, it simply means you have the wrong timing and can’t seem to get the weathering right…that’s it!

If you read this blog and you think I am pertaining to you… or you feel that you can simply relate….hahahahahaha!…impossible…maybe…that’s it!

Take things as it is… simply because that’s it.

It’s not everyday that one gets to realize ‘gosh! I talk too much. I talk too fast saying too much….

Hay naku! nakainon na naman ako… ay mali! Nalasing ako. grrrr!

Said so many things, na di ko nga alam kung bakit ko sinabi at paano ko nasabi.

Alcohol really cleanses and looses the dirt… Both the medical alcohol and liquor. Parehong naglalabas ng dumi at pag sumobra nakaka- paso… having that tingling sensation.

Gosh! Sa huli nga ang pagsisi. Sa bagay kung sa una ang pagsisi wala ng pagsisihan.

Hay naku! Minsan talaga the toungue—can be too fast and makes people too furious!

Nice to be home…

Harlene and myself were fortunate to be invited for the LAUNCHING of UP CENTENNIAL celebration. Amongst all the artist/celebrities who graduated from UP, we were the ones available…(hehehehehe)

We were performing with Mr. Ryan Cayabyab himself (same dressing room lang naman). Other performers were all from the College of Music: UP Ensemble, UP Concert Chorus, UP Madrigal Singers, UP Ambassador Chorale, UP Staff Chorale, Mr. Heber Bartolome, Mr. Juvy, UP Gamelan, College of Music dance majors, UP Symphony Orchestra (they have a lot to learn about passion but they are okay). Basta orchestra iyan, mataray yun!

There are no coincidences. That I believe is true. It’s no coincidence that I was there with Harlene, working with theater people as staff, coming very raw and spontaneous with a script written by Chris Martinez…

I had so much fun. It felt good to be doing something for the place where I came from. Where I molded my dreams… naks!

It felt good to say things that is truly close and true to my heart with the experiences I had in UP.

What was amazing was the minute I said my name and told them that ‘ maniwala po kayo sa hindi ay nanggaling po ako sa UP’ they started laughing…. Should I be insulted? No… I should be delighted why?! ewan ko.. basta… ganun ang feeling ko eh.

From the fullness of the heart the mouth speaketh…

That goes the same for our scriptwriter, Chris who had fond memories of UP… Harlene and myself always had good memories, fun and unique memories of UP.

Truly, as I said last night I am proud to be from UP. Di naman kami sumasali sa mga nagp-aaway ng madalas sa UAAP dahil madalas naman kaming di makapasok sa finals, at di rin kami makapasok sa araneta at wala kaming pang bili ng ticket…ayos lang yun!? Dahil meron namin kaming pang good time.

Reminiscing ‘rodic’s tapsilog, ikot jeeps, mangga sa coop, mang javier na may susi ng CR sa faculty, parusang registration and so forth…. Ang saya!

Life in UP then was very simple yet very interesting. I don’t know if it comes with age. Last night, as I saw the faces of my proffessors, orgmates, even the janitors, the fish ball stands, the un-refined grass…

I felt at home.

Raw as it is… it meant so much!

100 years na ang UP. Taray!

On picture was the curtain call… Tinalo niya ang SOP, ASAP and all sa confetti! Parang confetti pala ang gusto niyo ha…eto ang confetti! I felt na parang ginawang assignment sa freshmen ang gumawa ng confetti.

What’s funny was after all the grandeur… Harlene and I was in a hurry to leave because we both had this feeling that they were going to ask help from us if we could sweep off the floor…weird! naisip pa namin yun…

Kasi naman sa UP walang artista… tao-tao tayo dito. may kalat, mag walis ka!

Finally, after months of being in bail for charges that I have nothing to do with.

Last 05June the judge with the Fiscals commendation dismissed my case. Imagine me on a courtroom, with a criminal case..duh?! Shocking! Though It’s quite an experience that I shall never forget.

Hearing was set at 130pm. We waited for an hour before we started because there were about 30 cases to be arraigned that day.

We were waiting for the other accused who was coming from the municipal jail. Whew! The wait felt like forever. I could see and hear every sound movement of every person inside the room. The room was getting warm because there was just too many people having to fit in a small space with no ventilation at all.

Good thing. I was seated in front for my case was number 1 in the list.

The courtroom with the Technicolor benches felt like it was a set from Disney.

The courtroom still filled with piled folders, papers and boxes. For awhile I got confused if I was inside a courtroom or inside the post office. Just too many papers.

All the lawyers were seated in front. It was like a presidential table set up for them, like in a wedding. They were the only ones talking. They were the only ones really moving. Everyone was just watching them. I for one wasn’t in the mood to talk nor move. Indeed the courtroom is their place. Lawyers looked very comfortable inside the cramped courtroom with the quiet, nervous on lookers (that’s us).

The voices of the lawyers echoed the whole room. Even if I was seated at the back, I am sure I can hear what they are talking about. Their laughter sounded like a jeepney backing up.

Honestly, in the midst of a stressful place like that I decided to amuse myself on how they exchanged ‘pambobolas with each other’.

The faces of the people inside the courtroom are all the same. Whether guilty or not they looked the same, they looked cramped inside a small box.

There’s no air-conditioning at all. A small electric fan for the judge. What a pity.

Yes Joel Saracho you are absolutely right.

I also remember that if the things around you are in disarray, the way you think and live follows it. That’s why I always want to have a clear table and a clean working area so I could think and work well> Amazing how these people have adapted to what is given them.

Elections has just finished… Sana naman ayusin nila ang hall of Justice.

Nakakaloka! Some came in handcuffs. Others came using the rope as handcuffs. (kulang na daw kasi ng posas kaya lubid na lang) papatawa! ano ito shooting?!

There were a lot of lawyers…calling each other ‘panyeros’… Well, my lawyer told me that usually they call each other panyero because they do not know the name of each other… oo nga naman. nice point.

My lawyer not that young, not the usual well dressed and fit lawyer but he’s a good one. An old lawyer, teaches family law at San Beda, used to be a state prosecutor at DOJ. He has a family. Now doing private practice. He is funny. Corny. Sa sobrang Corny nakakatawa na… Simple pero rock.

I realize that if a person like me, already a celebrity have been charged with a case that I am innocent of. What more the other people who has no connections, no funds at all to fight for their rights. Then maybe, it’s true that a lot of people are convicted of crimes they did not do.

Kaya naman pala… punong puno ang mga kulungan natin… Kasi ang hilig nilang magpakulong at kasuhan mga tao kahit wala namang alam at kasalanan.Just a thought.

The minute the judge gave her order of dismissal case. I wanted to jump for joy. Whew! Parang her face suddenly lit up in front of me.

The judge wearing that black toga like outfit look like a snob. But then, when she starts talking she’s very charming, calm but yet with full authority. Her gentleness doesn’t affect the authority that she has over her sala. I suddenly remember Judging Amy as she was starting to talk.

Finally! I knew God was going to help me through with it. But the stress of going to court even if I was not guilty, Its traumatic to be having a criminal case… It was my name on paper against the Republic of the Phil. And that included every individual I encounter everyday of my life.

The judge a woman who even bi-dded me ‘good luck’ as I thanked her. Di naman pala lahat ng judges, judge mental…

The minute I left the courtroom. My lawyer said’ malaya ka na’… I am free. That felt good. I am free.Bigla nga akong nagutom.

Funny, how God works in one’s life. How God sees us through. How God let us experience things.

This case used to be bad news but then now because of the case I have met a lot of people, felt the concern of my friends, learned a lot, appreciated so may simple things that I often take for granted. For one, my freedom. What used to be bad news for me has turned to be good news. Bad news, good news…who knows?

Moving on… As I was leaving the courtroom, a person that I do not know told me. Finish your annulment because we do not know what’s going to happen in the future.

Now, I have an annulment case to face.

Thanks for all your prayers… Kung di pa rin kayo nag pray. Thank you na rin.

Today at 130 will be my last hearing for the cases filed against me without my knowledge…yes victim ako. I am a victim of this situation brought about by some people who would not want to help me at the moment. They have moved this for the 3rd time. And each time I am just too excited to get this done and over with.

As a matter of fact dahil madalas na nga ako just sa hall of justice in Quezon City. Now I know the reason kung bakit walang nagbabati masyado na mga may kaso…

1. ang gulo sa cityhall

2. walang upuan for the people who come to court. When you go there to face the court for  a hearing, even if you are innocent, stress yun noh~! tapos walang chairs to relax.

3. Ang sikip… all corridors filled with paper and bundled of documents. The smell of the old papers fills the air. It has this stingy uncomfortable feeling.

4. No air ventillation— so people in the height of stress and anxiety can actually get a heart attack or aggravate the heat of their emotions because of lack of oxygen.

5. Ang init! Pag pasok mo na mainit ang ulo mo, tapos mainit pa ang lugar, aba lalo pang iinit ang ulo mo…

6. The courtrooms are dirty and such a pity. This is the place where are justice starts and is given. It’s like a storage room because all walls are piled with bundles of folders and boxes.

Whew!

I suggest if I am given the chance to allocate the funds without the corruption:

1. Put proper airconditioning at the Hall of Justice

2. Put some classical music to soothe and calm the nerves of the people there.

3. Put more plants and greens than folders and boxes to clear heads.

4. Put more inspirational verses that can uplift one’s spirit hanging in the walls, rather than notes like do not urinate here…take note, that note is posted at the stairway area.

5. Fix all the documents in the computer. Give the judges bigger rooms and cleaner courtrooms. They have studied and gained that position through experience and wisdon then it is but befitting that they be given due respect.

6. Give ample space for all the employees… Even ants would have a hard time to go through tables because of lack of walkway in ther offices. They need to breathe also. They need space and some privacy.

hay naku! kaso ko nga di ko pa maayos…buong hall of justice pa gusto ko pakialamanan. Mali din naman ako dun. Yun lang…

I have but a few suggestions

hello dear friends,

I shall be having a show on June 10 at Singapore with John llyod ‘masarap siya’ Cruz. kung saan? Di ko alam. This show is sponsored by TFC. I truly hope to see all Filipinos in Singapore. It will be my first time sa Singapore kaya nga naman nabalitaan ko bawal daw po ang bubblegum dun.

Kaya as I write now, todo nguya na kaya ako ng chewing gum. hay naku! mamahalin daw ang gamit doon. Ako kaya ang magbenta ng gamit… nakakatawa yung kung ano ano ang naiisip ko.

I have a very tight schedule in Sing. But nevertheless, seeing and being able to entertain Filipinos abroad is always an honor and a priveleged. Sabi nga nila mga bayani natin sila. taray!

See you Singaporeans… Baka naman makahanap ako ng papa diyan. Panalo!

I have been running for quite sometime now to lose some weight…wrong! To lose weight period.  To shed off those pounds that doubles in television. Whew! The pains of beauty. Going back to running at sunken garden every time my schedule would permit me really had helped me in a more ways than I was really expecting.

I usually run in the evening between 8pm-1030pm, Though sometimes I run till 1130pm. I started this running with some friends until they all withered and disappeared. For a month now, I have been running alone, all by myself. I really don’t know what happened and I am running alone. Maybe I know why and what happened and just don’t want to get into it. it doesn’t really matter. It’s no big deal. There’s a war in Iraq and finding running buddies shouldn’t be a problem, right?

I for one, decided that I cannot depend my goals in other people who have their own lives to live and scheds to face and interests to deal with. blah, blah, blah, blah…. there goes another blog ….blah blah blah blah….

For a month now, I have been driving to UP alone, parking alone, running alone, tiring myself alone and amusing myself alone.

But being alone doesn’t mean that I am lonely, per se. That is far from the truth.

I have learned to enjoy my solitude running because, just because my life has become simpler with that. It’s the only time in my life that I am all by myself. No drivers to think of, No yaya’s to worry if they are hungry or bored. Nothing…. Yes, I have to admit there are days that I miss talking to someone and laughing with someone with an idea that passes me. There’s this urge of want to talk with the oblation to share some stories… But it will pass…that feeling did pass.

I have mentioned that I been running in the evening. Running in the evening gives me no time to stall at all.  Off the car and run… SIYEMPRE MADILIM, NAKAKATAKOT DIN KAYA, WALANG ORAS SA PA-CUTE NA BAGAL MOVEMENTS. I have never really got to appreciate the beauty and simplicity of UP Campus. The place where I flourished and enriched all my dreams.

Yesterday, for the first time I ran quite early. I was off at 430pm. Running with shades for the first time and it felt good.

It felt good to see the faces of the people I run across, encounter very clearly. I got to used to see merely shadows and silhouettes of the faces of the people in the evening. It felt good to see people playing soccer at the sunken garden and not the usual pa tootsies that I see in the evening. it felt good to see students, to see that kiosks are still open for business, to see the beauty of the architecture of the buildings, to see students lining up for a ride in the jeepneys, to see people bundled at the fish ball stands…. It felt home. It felt good. All of these I saw and noticed while I was running…

After 4rounds of running at the oval, I decided to cool down at one of the benches at the sunken garden….

I just found myself locked frame.

Enjoying the nothingness… Here comes the ‘nice to stare’ part.

I was staring at everything and everyone. I know it’s rude to stare but then yesterday i enjoyed the staring. I was people watching, car watching, ant watching… I was simply staring with nothing going on in my mind. There was nothing running on my mind… I was simply staring… Nice to stare at the nothingness of things.

I felt so relaxed that I turned off my Ipod and enjoyed the sound of my sorroundings. I was taking my time. I had no schedule to meet.  No friends to meet, No appointments to run to, No concepts to submit, No worries… It was just me and the bench…

I transferred and went sitting on the grass. I took off my jacket and sat on it. Continued to simply stare at everyone and everything that passes my eyes. 

To simplify my point: MINSAN MASARAP LANG TUMANGA… OPO, UMUPO AT TUMANGA. TANGA KA LANG MINSAN… TUMANGA NA WALANG GAGANA NI ISANG PARTE NG KATAWAN MO AT KASAMA DOON ANG BIBIG AT UTAK…

In English, it sounds good ‘nice to stare’. In Filipino ’sarap lang po tumanga’…pa minsan-minsan… yun lang… try mo.

I have been running for quite sometime now to lose some weight…wrong! To lose weight period.  To shed off those pounds that doubles in television. Whew! The pains of beauty. Going back to running at sunken garden every time my schedule would permit me really had helped me in a more ways than I was really expecting.

I usually run in the evening between 8pm-1030pm, Though sometimes I run till 1130pm. I started this running with some friends until they all withered and disappeared. For a month now, I have been running alone, all by myself. I really don’t know what happened and I am running alone. Maybe I know why and what happened and just don’t want to get into it. it doesn’t really matter. It’s no big deal. There’s a war in Iraq and finding running buddies shouldn’t be a problem, right?

I for one, decided that I cannot depend my goals in other people who have their own lives to live and scheds to face and interests to deal with. blah, blah, blah, blah…. there goes another blog ….blah blah blah blah….

For a month now, I have been driving to UP alone, parking alone, running alone, tiring myself alone and amusing myself alone.

But being alone doesn’t mean that I am lonely, per se. That is far from the truth.

I have learned to enjoy my solitude running because, just because my life has become simpler with that. It’s the only time in my life that I am all by myself. No drivers to think of, No yaya’s to worry if they are hungry or bored. Nothing…. Yes, I have to admit there are days that I miss talking to someone and laughing with someone with an idea that passes me. There’s this urge of want to talk with the oblation to share some stories… But it will pass…that feeling did pass.

I have mentioned that I been running in the evening. Running in the evening gives me no time to stall at all.  Off the car and run… SIYEMPRE MADILIM, NAKAKATAKOT DIN KAYA, WALANG ORAS SA PA-CUTE NA BAGAL MOVEMENTS. I have never really got to appreciate the beauty and simplicity of UP Campus. The place where I flourished and enriched all my dreams.

Yesterday, for the first time I ran quite early. I was off at 430pm. Running with shades for the first time and it felt good.

It felt good to see the faces of the people I run across, encounter very clearly. I got to used to see merely shadows and silhouettes of the faces of the people in the evening. It felt good to see people playing soccer at the sunken garden and not the usual pa tootsies that I see in the evening. it felt good to see students, to see that kiosks are still open for business, to see the beauty of the architecture of the buildings, to see students lining up for a ride in the jeepneys, to see people bundled at the fish ball stands…. It felt home. It felt good. All of these I saw and noticed while I was running…

After 4rounds of running at the oval, I decided to cool down at one of the benches at the sunken garden….

I just found myself locked frame.

Enjoying the nothingness… Here comes the ‘nice to stare’ part.

I was staring at everything and everyone. I know it’s rude to stare but then yesterday i enjoyed the staring. I was people watching, car watching, ant watching… I was simply staring with nothing going on in my mind. There was nothing running on my mind… I was simply staring… Nice to stare at the nothingness of things.

I felt so relaxed that I turned off my Ipod and enjoyed the sound of my sorroundings. I was taking my time. I had no schedule to meet.  No friends to meet, No appointments to run to, No concepts to submit, No worries… It was just me and the bench…

I transferred and went sitting on the grass. I took off my jacket and sat on it. Continued to simply stare at everyone and everything that passes my eyes. 

To simplify my point: MINSAN MASARAP LANG TUMANGA… OPO, UMUPO AT TUMANGA. TANGA KA LANG MINSAN… TUMANGA NA WALANG GAGANA NI ISANG PARTE NG KATAWAN MO AT KASAMA DOON ANG BIBIG AT UTAK…

In English, it sounds good ‘nice to stare’. In Filipino ’sarap lang po tumanga’…pa minsan-minsan… yun lang… try mo.