Now I know why household helpers are called helpers. In their absence the household needs a lot of help. In my case, I just want to shout in disarray and shock of how things are going to turn out.
The mere thought of not having them gives me the goose bumps…
Yes! Hats off to all my friends in other countries who does everything all by themselves and still manage to have a clean home at the end of the day.
For 6 days now… I have lost the luxury of the presence of my personal assistant who has to go home to her sick mom. What right do I have to stop her then. Even if I have patiently trained her of what to do and how to do/fix/arrange/prepare my needs for everyday and for work, still I have to let her go.
For 3 days now… The turn of events seems so fast. Revelations of peoples interest pops out left and right. True, be careful and be ready for what you pray for. We (mom, mm and myself) decided to let my son’s yaya go for a vacation of no return.
I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew it must be done. And I knew the precautions that go with the principle that I was standing for. It was a crazy and bold move to let her go without a replacement…Yet, it was the right thing to do.
As my mom would always say: NO ONE IS INDISPENSABLE IN THIS WORLD EXCEPT GOD… so then, right on!
CHANGES CAUSES CHANGE.
It has been quite awhile since I really personally, all by myself prepared/ arranged my clothes(costumes), food, script, toiletries, necessities, and etc. for work. Amazingly! i enjoyed it! I was excited to work cause i was prepared for work in all aspects…physically, emotionally, mentally and armed with all my stuff. (naks!) It felt like I was starting all over again.
It had a sense of Independence.
It felt more responsible.
Looking at my clothes, Looking in my closet everyday, I always had this urge to re-arrange things the way i really wanted it, according to my standards (OC kasi ako eh). Yes, I taught the help how to fix my things but there was still something different with the way things are laid and aligned.
Finally, gradually, I started folding and re-folding my things. Segregating the item per color, category, use and it felt good… it felt nostalgic.
As I was re-arranging my clothes. I couldn’t help but remember scenes, events, people, emotions, state of being that was associated with the damn piece of clothing. And all I really wanted to do was re-arrange my closet.
It was a moment of healing also. A moment of appreciating the things that I have now and the state I am in now. Wow! And we’re just talking about my closet here….What a healing process I have discovered! Fixing one’s closet… How metaphorical.
Technically, I have discovered I lack pink colors in my wardrobe and I have seen so many black, blue, red shirts all piled in different shades. I lack those girlie pastel colors… does that mean anything at all? My do I need a lot of alterations since I lost some weight… yipee! And my golly gee! There’s so many clothes that I just can’t figure out where it is… The lack of things that I have discovered again.
I have focused my time, energy earning a living to give my son the best therapist, that at one point maybe i have neglected my son.
I have spent so much time listening to the problems of others that I maybe I didn’t hear my owns son’s plea… or my own plea, should i say?
It’s not that I don’t spend time with my son but it’s different to be with the person.
The last 3 days, I wasn’t just spending time with my son. I was with him.
I fed him, bathe him and bathed with him, changed his diapers, changed his clothes, watched him watching me watch him, asked him to do new chores, new tricks, new sounds, new games, new moves, shouted with him, laughed, rumbled, bargained, begged, put him to sleep, told him a story, cracked him a joke, charmed him… just like when he was newly born. I was with him. How fast he has grown.
Now I am updated with his weaknesses and his strengths. I have studied his whole day and his idle time where we could put some more activities for him.
Once again, here we go again: the closet
I need to fix quentin’s closet according to my standards (OC) Again, I went back memory lane as I was fixing my son’s clothes. I now appreciate for others maybe little steps that he can do. It reminded me of how quentin was before and how much he has improved. Yes, he still cannot speak but i know his favorite color is blue… Because he can say ‘bu’. And guess what, I just saw that he has a lot of blue… He has tons of clothes. Gosh!
Quentin is me. He can charm everyone with his smile and naughty antics. He is frustrated with the things that he cant do, that is express himself. He learns fast. moves fast. has so much energy. fun-loving and very sweet.
God has a plan and purpose for everything….
I know I still need the helpers. But the past 3 days made me appreciate the basic essentials in life. I was back to being me. For the past 3 days i have known my son better and I have known myself better.
Thank God for the best things in life are free…
memories are free. folding clothes are free. air is free. laughter is free (unless of course you hire me professionally).watching each other watch each other is free. choices are free. decisions are free. expressing love is free. smiling is free and praying and thanking God is absolutely free.
Thank God that life per se did not come with a price tag to be paid in a lump sum amount.Yes, Jesus died for me so that I can live a life after life forever. What I meant was that I don’t have to pay God each day I open my eyes for giving me another day to live life and breathe air and be with family and friends. I don’t pay God every time I breathe. I don’t pay God every time I laugh.
Whew! Most of the time I don’t even pay attention to God.
Still He fixes my closet.
